RELATIONSHIPS / THE OPENING COLUMN
How do you restart a friendship after a year of silence?
Three texts for the friend you still think about, and what to do if the answer is silence.
TEXT NO. 01
When neither of you meant to lose touch
I heard Fast Car in the grocery store and thought of us missing our exit singing the last verse. It's been ages. How's life on your end?
Use a memory that belongs to the two of you. The missed exit does more work than a paragraph about how busy you've been.
The strange thing about an old friend's number is that it still works. It's the opening line that seems to have expired. Before you explain the whole missing year, look at the last exchange. Did the conversation simply end? Did you leave a question hanging? Start there.
TEXT NO. 02
When the last unanswered text was yours to answer
You asked how I was doing last spring and I never wrote back. I'm sorry I let that sit. I'd love to hear how you're doing, if you're up for it.
Own the missed reply in one sentence. Leave out the part where they have to reassure you that you're a good friend.
TEXT NO. 03
When you keep saying you should get together
I'll be at the library Saturday morning. Fancy a coffee across the street around eleven? I've got about half an hour before I head home.
Offer a time you can actually keep. A half hour with an end time is easier to say yes to than an afternoon neither of you has.
And if they don't reply?
Let the message stand. A quiet phone tells you only that you haven't had an answer. You don't need to send a second apology or ask a mutual friend to find out why.
If they reply warmly but skip the invitation, answer what they actually said. If they ask for space, give it. And if what came between you was a hurt rather than a busy year, begin with what you did and an apology, without attaching an invitation.
When they're ready: make a plan together →